How to manage your day to day while going through the process for of grief. This is so not easy. Your world as you know it has stopped but everything else around you keeps moving and it feels like it is coming at you in light speed, while right now you only have two modes. Sloth and stop.
Trust me, those speeds are incredible for people managing grief because they are the speeds we can handle right now. The unfortunate is that although we want to slow down, the pace of life will often quicken to a point where you feel it may overtake you.
Please realize that what you are feeling is a natural occurrence when confronted with grief. You are not strange, weird, or different. You are in what I like to call a “time loop shock” it is a situation where you know what to do but you can’t seem to do it right or fast enough.
It is not that you are absent of these skills, you are now in a mental readjustment period. You mind is gathering it’s “sea legs” back and beginning to understand the “New Normal” you are experiencing.
Things you used to be able to do without thinking, now take thought and now you have to learn how to pace yourself. You have now been given new tasks to master and a world without your loved one, who may have previously been in charge of the tasks you now have to handle.
Do not look at this time for the chaos that it is, look for the nuggets of wisdom that you can gain from this tragedy.
As challenging as it is, you have got to “force” yourself to move and look for those blessings hidden in the broken pieces of your circumstance. If not, you are choosing to stay in place and that is equivocal to an anchor around your neck.
As hard as it is, you deserve freedom, you also deserve to see that you have the ability to move forward. Start small. Rome was not built in a day, also keep in mind, that the mental, emotional, and sometimes physical assault (joint pain, headaches) may continue. All that is the mind attempting to keep you from your newness. The mind is not bad, it is just not used to this new change and although you need to change, it doesn’t want to.
I hate to say it but that is why we must “force” it to move. An article appeared on the University of Washington website. It talked about ways to address these shortfalls that you are experiencing. It gave the following suggestions as some ways to move forward in light of what you are experiencing. The article stated, “
1. To accept the finality of the loss;
2. To acknowledge and express the full range of feelings we experience as a result of the loss;
3. To adjust to a life in which the lost person, object, or experience is absent;
4. To say good-bye, to ritualize our movement to a new peace with the loss.
You are in a new world now, with old familiarities and it can get confusing. Just remember that this is normal and you will adjust accordingly. This process may take time because it is different for everyone.