Updated: Jul 2, 2021

People will always tell you that they sympathize with you when you are going through a crisis. The truth is they don't truly want to listen, they are just being nice. Reality is they could give a f@ck about you or your problem. Les Brown said this, "80% don't care and 20% are glad it's you." It's is not that people truly don't (not the majority of people anyway) care. It is that everybody has their own unique set of problems that they are handling so don't have the capacity or time to assist you and address their own concerns also.

Plus, it is not fair to the listening party. In truth, you are not exchanging pain to help one another through the pain. One party is looking for the other party to help them mentally (or physically sometimes) carry a portion (small or large) or all of the load of a problem that the storyteller's facing. I did that one too.

I know, I created this dilemma, myself. Without going into detail, I will just say that what I went through was hard. I was a person constantly pouring and dumping my woes onto anyone that would listen. That is dangerous, because it makes you a prime target for getting used. Some people will play your pain to their advantage. That is what happened to me.

We live in a world that wants people to appeal to their "better Angels" but many of us are not willing to face the reality that comes with the possibility of pain. With that, people must understand that pain is not exclusive to them. Everybody goes through some form of it. Although we all do not experience the same pain, we all experience some level of pain that can be equal to our own.

Since we can relate to that pain, we can also relate to the anguish that we feel. Understand that the people you put your pain on, have pain themselves. They are not attempting to be assh@les, their actions only result in that. Its not always by design, but it is always Devine. Use challenges to your advantage and learn a lesson from the circumstance. It is very difficult, but the end result, can lead you to a BETTER LIFE.

What stinks is that you have to at times internalize this (when that happens and you can't fully manage, I suggest seeking professional help). A PhD Doctor and author of an article titled,

"Feeling Guilty About Feeling Bad" in Psychology Today, states, "You have a right to feel what you feel, regardless of what others say or how you view your challenges in light of others' suffering. Everyone has challenges; just different ones. Your challenges are a challenge to you, and that makes them valid. Period." (Sarkis, S.A., PhD)

She is absolutely right, I am not disputing anything she is saying, but now here is the twist. You have the right to feel your way and the listener has the right to feel their way. There way may not be the response you seek and you have to be prepared for that. I always say make a mental or physical list of possible responses, so you can be prepared for any negative impact (it's like your seatbelt). So the reality is people do want to help, it is just that they don't want to have to share the pain to do it. They shouldn't have to. Just like you want it, you must encourage others to

see imbedded video for Tupac's song "Pain"


0 views0 comments