We can't help it, our mind sometimes wanders into the places we don't want to go. Those dark times, bad memories, and circumstances sometime creep up at the most inconvenient and frustrating times. Learning how to handle them is a key to getting through.
I am a smoker (smoking right now) I have made efforts to quit but seem to keep coming back. I went to a therapist for smoking (that was a waste of cash), but he did tell me one thing that truly resonated. I recounted my smoking beginnings and circled them around meeting my wife, who as my girlfriend was a smoker and I picked up the habit. She quit (so I thought. She eventually went to e-cigarettes but hid it). I kept smoking, publicly. He said that I am attempting to hold on to her now that she has passed away. (She died in 2016)
I actually saw that as plausible. Somewhere deep in my memory, this bad habit is being re-triggered by my desire to hold on to the past. I saw an article by Raina Niam, from February, 3 2016, that discussed this exact principal. In fact, Naim's opening statement was, " I have a habit of paying a visit to my past every now and then." (Niam, R Feb 3, 2016)
The dark places are not somewhere we need to dwell in, so I am making a commitment to get the hell out of it. I am giving myself till midnight and throwing my pack in the garbage, after soaking it wet first (this way I can't go back, I am burning he boats).
Really, looking to find your better life, takes sometime revisiting those dark places, but now you have a new strength to manage through it. Also you understand that you do not have to stay in the dark places, have more of an in/out approach verses the permanent vacation you will re-live, if you stay.
Finding the newness of your new also takes releasing things you have been accustomed to. For me it is smoking. Got to let this crap go. That is how you have to see the ties that bind you and your decisions. Whatever the habit or recycling situation is, you must let it go and consciously fight to overcome your desires to go back.
Know that your better life is found in front of you and not behind you. When you visit the dark place, whether on accident or purpose, know that in either scenario you do hot have to stay.
Dark places can be good for knowing that. Understand your past, but you don't have to dwell in it. Read an article written by Dr. Juliana Breines Ph.D called, 5 Surprising Reasons You Should Look Back on Your Past.